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Speaking Of... (Holiday Edition)

Just got home from my last gig of the year. It's a fun one - Unmuted sings a few songs for the Challenger holiday party, which is a baseball league for special needs kids. They're very appreciative, and the quartet even got our picture taken with Santa.

Speaking of Unmuted, we've decided to no longer be a competing quartet. Lori brought it up today, citing a general need to reduce stress in her life (as it's starting to show up as health issues), and more specific concerns about her voice. Beth chimed in that she's also having concerns about her own voice, particularly how she never knows if it's going to be there when she needs it. Martie and I were both like, "I just wanna sing." So it was agreed. We will continue to be a performing quartet, and will still practice regularly - we just won't have that laser focus on two songs for the first four months of the year. Added bonus: we're going to use the extra time to expand our repertoire. Poor Lori was almost in tears with relief; she was worried that we'd be angry or disappointed at not competing. I told her I could get mad if it would make her feel better. Martie tapped her on the forehead with a foam noodle.

Speaking of singing, all our holiday gigs went splendidly. The Vienna Stroll, the Fairfax Festival of Lights, and the Willard Hotel were all great. The best part was watching Sophia experience these annual gigs for the first time. She especially loved the Willard. And this year we had the addition of the holiday shows - the family-friendly matinee and the evening dinner show. Ticket sales had been kind of lackluster but it still felt like a good crowd, and we received many compliments. People kept asking me how it went for me, since this was my first time co-chairing a chorus show. And honestly, it was the easiest show possible, since I didn't have to deal with Capital One and holiday gigs are always a breeze.

Speaking of taking charge, at the chorus holiday party, Claire approached me about potentially taking over as bass section lead, since Kathy will, at least in theory, be leaving the chorus. (I say theoretically because she retired and moved away in June, but has been staying with her daughter on Tuesdays in order to attend rehearsals. Originally she said she'd stay through the October show, then it was through the December show, and now it's through Regionals. So I guess we'll see.) I told Claire I wasn't sure how I felt about being one of the chorus grown-ups, but I'm actually not too worried. Sure, it's more responsibility, but I don't think it'll cause undue stress.

Speaking of undue stress, work. The govies were given Wednesday and Friday off this coming week. I didn't think much of it, as that generally doesn't mean anything for contractors, and indeed my contract manager said we can work. But then Friday evening my company came back and said we can use holiday time, and even reduced our annual quota by 16 hours so we don't have to worry about making up the days. Sure is nice to work for human beings. Earlier this week we got our new quota numbers, and while I missed a paycheck due to the shutdown, those seven weeks of missed work were subtracted from my total and I do not have to make them up. I will have zero issue meeting my obligations. Definitely will make for a more relaxing holiday!

Speaking of holidays, yesterday Jason, Elliott, and I drove down to spend the day with Rob, Teresa, and Nicole. We browsed some fun antique stores downtown and toured the Hugh Mercer Apothecary, which is a colonial era doctor's office. The two tour guides described the quaint and sometimes barbaric practices with gusto. Nicole noped right out of there during the bit about amputation. That evening we had a delicious dinner and dessert, then Zoomed with Mom for a bit. Looks like the whole family will Zoom on Christmas as well, which will be nice. One day I'd love to spend Christmas at home, but that might have to wait until the boys are older. The plan for winter vacation is for them to stay with us through Christmas afternoon/evening, then spend the rest of the break at their mom's. That's not a schedule we can accommodate from Illinois.

Not much else going on. We're in the process of refinancing our mortgage. It's not a huge decrease in interest rate but our monthly payments will be going down and we don't have to pay closing costs so we figure we might as well. This morning we cleaned the turtle tank and agreed that we really ought to do it far more often than we do. This time we put a reminder on the calendar, so there's a chance it might even happen. I finally put my Christmas cards in the mail and I'm pretty sure that [checks notes] every single gift I sent will arrive late. I do this every year and I don't know why. I haven't wrapped anything yet either.

Ah well. We'll all be together and even if gifts aren't wrapped I'm sure they will be appreciated. Happy Holidays, y'all.

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Project 2026

What will happen after the moral equivalent of the battle of Yorktown?

I think we should have another Constitutional Convention.

( Read more... )

What rights and rebalances would you fight for? What values would you wage peace for?

deja vu

Home from surgery. I'm okay. It hurts. I came out of anesthesia really well actually. Eating normally, trying to keep moving around even though I am headachey and tired. Josh and I got Thai (I had drunken noodles, yum!), we went for a short walk afterward along fanno creek and through downtown Tigard, I sat outside to watch the sunset with Avalanche, I roasted some pumpkins, gunna bake a pie shortly, listening to holiday music and playing with Avalanche and drinking a lot of tasty tea to cheer myself up. I'm supposed to eat fiber and drink a lot of fluids. I want to write more cards but I can do that in the morning, it's starting to ache a lot even with the ice.

The savi scout placement sucked, I wasn't having fun at the breast health center, the imaging afterward was almost as bad as the placement - I am really developing a strong distaste for mammography. But surgery itself went smoothly. the IV nurse needed two tries to get a vein, that arm also hurts, she was so apologetic but she did really well, the valium helped immensely once I finally got some. Otherwise things went fine.

Looking forward to popcorn and fake beer and Matrix: Resurrections with Joshter on the couch in a bit. I only got halfway through last night (it's long!) and I'm thrilled to re-watch the beginning, it is so much fun. I love it. I love the director, I love the actors, several of my beloved Sense8 people are in the supporting cast. Keanu is love. So is Carrie-Ann Moss.

( spoiler in case anyone cares )

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Durchschlag

In einer Reportage über einen rollenden Supermarkt zeigt ein treuer Kunde die handschriftliche Notiz seiner verstorbenen Frau. Der erste Großeinkauf. Ich kaufe, kaufe, kaufe. Daneben ist die Quittung aufgeklebt. Darüber ein Zeitungsartikel.

Ich denke daran, wie viele Leute meine Quittungsdurchschläge - dünnes gelbes Papier, Formar A5 - aufheben. Im Portmanee. In der Glasschale auf dem Tisch. "Der ist für Sie", sage ich immer, wenn ich Ihnen den Durschlag aus dem Block reiße. In der Schublade bei, wo auch die anderen Durschläge liegen.

Ich existiere dort, in meiner dünnen Handschrift. In hundert verschiedenen Orten.

Tiffany?

oh man, an hour of posting to my email list and the socials about not working while recovering from the surgery that's happening tomorrow, and lighting the tree, feeding and playing with Avalanche, while a river rains down on us, and I am entirely wiped out.

I had so much energy an hour ago. I had dinner, I was feeling perky. I dunno what happened, I hit such a wall.

Had to re-stabilize my little light up snowman outside, he falls over in the wind sometimes.

It is unbelievably wet outside. Flooding everywhere that floods. I am glad we have a brand new roof. That I bought. Josh thanked me for this today. "Thanks, Serafaery!" Silly goose.

I've been going to bed at 8pm the last few nights, passing out really is what it feels like, dying to the world for four hours. I think it's more of an escape. A kind of, "I can't take being awake anymore" pattern. I get up at midnight to wriggle out of my clothes, wash my face and brush my teeth, and snuggle back into bed, until my inevitable 4am wake up, that I've been doing since age 20. But it's harder on my body these days, and I actually get up, usually, in perimenopause. I feel the spin of the cortisol racing through my system, the familiar deep dread, and I tell myself it's all chemicals, to not believe anything my mind tells me at 4am, and I scroll myself back to sleep. Until 6:45am. Rinse and repeat.

I think I will bundle up with some Christmas in Paris Stash tea (will I add whipped cream? I do have some) and watch Matrix: Resurrections. In the mood for some sexy people my age to run around in tight black wet clothing.

I can do more cards and decorate the tree and bake cookies when my boob is healing, it'll be okay, I'll just take my time.

I'm excited to have two weeks off, honestly. So excited for the forced downtime and rest. I have not taken a real break in a very long time. Four days here or there, for years, this has been my break pattern. I love my work so much, I am so grateful for my work. But. I need actual rest.

...

Watch on YouTube

gingerbread dreams

had a really nice time at the coffee shop. Mailed out seven more cards. Re-taught myself how to cut snowflakes. A favorite de-stressing activity. (mine are six-sided. it matters.)

had some collagen cocoa, current bread, and a bowl of split peas and veggies for dinner. Super tasty.

I need to start hydrating and prepping for tomorrow. Showering, fresh bedsheets, putting out my surgery clothes, I have to stop eating at midnight but will probably stop sooner than that.

Tempted to go dance. If I can get there early and just get an hour in? It might feel good to move a bit.

But it might be smarter to stay home. Keep writing cards and cutting snowflakes. It's so fun.

Does anybody want a xmas card? (L yours is already in the mail.) message me your addy if you like and I will try to get something out to ya.

I should mail my dad's letter to my brother, I realized after I did his card. But I don't want to put my return address on it. oof.

Hanne dropped off a gift for me, she is being such a cheerleader for me (she just finished her chemo a couple days ago), she's amazing, cheering others on while fighting such a hard battle herself.

Need to write to my customers to excuse myself from sparkles for a little bit, that's next on the list. A piece of chocolate as a reward for that work might be in order :) Oooorrrr, I could rally and bake some gingerbread cookies :D

I'm feeling very brave and ready for this, suddenly. It's easier knowing what I'm doing, rather than all that waffling, oof.

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Dec 16-18; Enoshima

3 day dump, and some photos ( Read more... )

self-development reflections.

one thing i wanted to get out. is that i was pretty spun out with self-hatred last night for buying the junk at target. realizing i need to return it. that it is part of whatever causes my low-grade hoarding.

was watching a hoarding channel last night and thinking about that person's opinion about the condition, and the lower activity in the frontal lobes that causes difficulty with decision-making, and how hard it's been for me to decide whether or not to run screaming from this surgery.

i think having the boys both seem to indicate that they'd rather i not do it made it a lot harder for me. i care so much about their opinions and advice, even if it's unsolicited. i know they have my best interest in mind, and just don't want to see me suffer.

but also i got a really nice reminder somewhere online that said, there will be relapses, try to be patient and focus on gradual, steady, slow progress.

and i do see this. my clutter is less. i am less anxious about it. i have gotten rid of a lot. i caught this bout of collecting and i am fixing it.

i went through all of my mail this morning.

instead of starting a neverending pile.

(i still have a few of those leftover from the apartment that came here, in bins, to go through.)

i am doing a lot better overall. making big decisions, and little ones.

slow, small progress. it's the only way i've ever gotten to a better place with any habit or trait.

i will continue to work on improving things with my husband, even though he is being difficult and my first instinct is to withdraw. i want him to be happier. i will keep trying. i think, every time i try and get rebuffed, at least, he does see that i am making an effort. and that counts for something.

xmastime is here - decisiontime is heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere D:

It is a calm-before-the-storm kind of day after a stormy windy night. I want to get out there and get a hard bike ride in, since it's possible I might not be able to do anything for a while, if I go through with the surgery Friday. I still can't decide! I tried coin flips, I just can't pick. I feel terrible both ways. :(

Maybe because I just in general feel terrible.

I'm supposed to let them know "in the morning" and it's almost 11am, ACK.

Do I pull the plug or not? It's really hard to move forward not knowing.

I need a reset on my diet. I have been eating more and more and more crap over the last year or so, I think depression and menopause is getting to me. I keep cooking the same healthy food for Josh and then eating packaged crap myself.

Not entirely. I do eat a lot of healthy things too. It's just. A lot of it isn't. And I didn't used to eat like that.

It can't be helping with this pre-pre-breast cancer situation. :( I need to go back on an anti-inflammatory diet.

It's really hard to do over the holidays.

So many cookies.

I think I am about 50% cookie at the moment.

Anyway. My dream list if I could do everything I want to do, today:

* ~~quick whip up food for Josh~~ (he ordered Thai)
* laundry
* shower
* ship order
* mail baby present to Tyler's nephew (I got Vaughn a Sophie la girafe - he's teething. A lil mini half-Tyler - Vaugn's dad is Tyler's identical twin so this is mostly true - is a sparkle in my heart, even though I'm likely to not even meet him for years)
* DECIDE ABOUT THE FREAKING SURGERY - it's 2 days away, I have to make a decision.
* hard bike ride
* hang out at the coffee shop with a peppermint mocha writing xmas cards
* bake gingerbread cookies, chocolate chip cookies, shortbread cookies, visit and deliver to neighbors
* get probiotics at the store to prep for surgery Friday IF surgery is happening??????

Less urgent:
* wrap presents (find better wrapping paper - where did that Santa paper go?)

* decorate trees (I got them up this morning, including the lil baby live one from Tyler)

* schedule sparkles if I'm not going to do surgery

* schedule UPS pickup for misdelivered packages

* schedule leaf gutter cleaning quote

* deposit check

* return Target stool that's too small

* return Goodwill items that are not what I need

Stuff I want to do later:
* clean/organize my room
* clean/organize bathroom
* clean/organize garage cabinets

indicision.

Having a really hard time deciding about surgery Friday.

...

Edited to add: Just doing a little more reading, if I were lower risk in general, less cancer in my family and less dense breast tissue, it would be fine to let this go. Those are the folks who are good candidates for waiting. But my high risk profile means it would be smarter to go ahead, from what I can gather. 5cm is the cutoff for absolutely not waiting, 3cm doesn't provide a lot of comfort, for me. I do have only a single lesion, which is good. I am hoping for just clear margins, no further findings, and being finished with treatment after this.

sigh.

I've decided to go ahead with it for now. If in a couple hours I really feel like this is the wrong choice, I can still reverse course. I can reverse course at any point until I get to the hospital, really.

...

There are so many conflicting factors in my head, and emotional difficulties. It's so so hard to settle my mind one way or the other, I keep flipping back and forth.

I have ADH - Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia. If the vacuum-assisted core needle biopsy had gotten all of the calcifications, they probably would have suggested monitoring, and not surgery. But since there are 3cm left of the "lesion" (clump of cells), they want to take out the rest and its surrounding tissue, not just to prevent it from growing into something cancerous, but also to test the tissue to make totally sure there is nothing else lurking in there, and to make sure it's all removed.

I have a 30% chance of developing breast cancer regardless of whether or not I get this procedure, so I will be closely monitored annually as a "high risk" patient for the rest of my life, regardless of whether or not I have this procedure.

There is a 7% chance this could develop into cancer in 5 years. 13% in ten years. It takes 25 years to reach that 30% risk.

But, I only had a 10% chance of ADH in my biopsy, and here we are.

So, part of me wants to go ahead on Friday, just to have peace of mind and make totally sure everything is out and we know what we're dealing with.

IF that tissue comes back positive for DCIS (basically stage 0 cancer or pre-cancer, depending on who you talk to there are different terms for this), there would be a drug regimen (testing for estrogen receptivity hopefully?) and radiation, and (unlikely) a lumpectomy to remove more tissue if the margins aren't clear (if there's any question as to whether there is more).

BUT. If I wait. There is a chance nothing comes of it. It could be the same in all my scans going forward, and I could avoid surgery altogether.

OR maybe get it in a few years.

OR maybe things change and I have to get it in 3 or 6 months, which would SUCK and ruin my summer.

There is no good time to have surgery.

The idea of saving myself the pain and trouble of surgery is very appealing.

But the fear of letting something unhealthy develop by leaving it be is worrisome.

My friends currently undergoing chemo or having already had it would advise me to do anything to avoid ending up there.

It's hard for me to go against the conventional wisdom of just taking it out to be certain it's nothing.

I have seen statistics that these excisional biopsies come back positive for DCIS more than half the time, but it's a wide range, and I don't know the details or factors.

Both surgeons at both hospitals agree it would be reasonable to wait, because my lesion is 3cm.

1cm would make me feel a lot better.

Over 5 or 6cm, they would not recommend waiting.

I'm in a grey area and it makes it really hard to decide!

There is sort of no right or wrong choice, here. It's an educated guess.

I have to sort of go on instinct?

Initially, I really thought I would cancel it. I wanted to save myself the pain and suffering, especially during such a stressful time.

But just putting off the inevitable sounds horrible. Both surgeons seemed to lean toward that meaning the surgery would happen next year, not never.

If that's the case, I'd rather just do it now, while I'm already prepared, already planned to take the downtime and the time off work, etc.

But part of me loves the idea of working through the holiday and taking all this fear and anxiety away and putting it on older-Sarah's shoulders. Maybe she'll be able to handle it better than me.

But is that being so so mean to my future self?

Or is it being protective and kind, since it's possible surgery is totally unnecessary and neither she nor I would have to go through with it.

It's soooooooooooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

Other confounding factors that shouldn't matter but do: Josh wants me to wait. (He hates how stressed we both are and wants some good time together sooner than later, we've been doing really poorly since the move.)

It's FREE right now. Because of what's going on with insurance. Who knows how much it would cost a year from now. Thousands, potentially.

I feel soooooo poor after buying this stupid house, so stressed about money, so this unfortunately feels like it matters when I know deep down my long term physical health and well-being is more important than a couple thousand dollars.

Honestly the other thing? Sort of selfishly? I want the downtime. I want to just sit and be still and cozy. I want people to back off and let me heal. I want to be forced to be gentle with myself. I want to rest. I want to be left alone. I want to sit and write letters and take long gentle walks through the forest and not work.

I want people to understand that something difficult and painful and serious happened to me.

I also want to work! I want to sparkle the crap out of everyone for Christmas. I want to hike and ski and frolic in the snow.

We have no snow on the mountain yet. Not at any elevation we can reach.

Josh is really hoping I cancel. My customers are hoping I cancel.

I love the idea of the release of not having to do all the prep and deal with dressings and incision scars and icing and painkillers and swelling and not being able to lift.

To just dance and bake and run around whenever the rain allows.

But will I be worried that I made the wrong choice and left cancer to fester?

But if I do it and everything comes back clear, will I be mad I did something terrible to my body that wasn't necessary?

No aerial for two months. :(

Unlikely, but what if I come out of it deformed?

It's soooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

we're walking in the air, we're floating in the moonlit sky

I've wanted to much for so many days/weeks to come and just sit and write but once I'm ready I'm always just so so so tired and sleepy.

I have a video visit with OHSU tomorrow and then right after another one with the breast health center, I might pull the plug on my surgery, depending on how all this goes.

I wanted to write out all my questions but I'm just too tired. I will have to do it in the morning, hopefully my head will be clear enough.

Trying for a lookout tower in the morning also. Will see how that goes. So far I've had very little luck with those. I might have to find another place to stay in that area.

Josh and I had a fight Sunday night. We never fight. He swore at me. This has happened maybe thrice ever.

I am just so stressed out about the surgery. Everything in my body is screaming not to do it.

It is not urgent. It is not cancer. I can wait. We can monitor. We can do it in one or five or ten or twenty years if/when it becomes a problem.

sigh.

Still zero interest in sex, that isn't helping things with the relationship. But I'm getting more used to the dreary empty meaninglessness of suburbia, and slightly more settled into the house.

I still don't like it here, but I hate it less. Avalanche and I have bonded over our enjoyment of the backyard.

I have been getting bigger and bigger attacks of vertigo, multiple times a day, it's starting to get worrisome. I think it is just stress.

I cry every day. Over mom, mostly. And the way she died. And the way she turned on me before she got really sick. The way she turned on everyone. Deep down I worry that I deserved it, that I deserved to be hated, that I was really that awful.

But then, I think about all the abusive ways my brother has treated me. And I have never told anyone that I refuse to be in the same room with him. I still love him. I still would help him in an emergency. I still talk to him when he asks. I just don't go seeking for connection. I am more superficial, only because he weaponizes my words if I give him anything with any sort of substance. But I would never dream of disowning him.

It's hard to imagine being a mom and doing that to ones own child, no matter how ungrateful or unpleasant you find them.

I just... I thought the world of her in so many ways. I also despised her in so many ways, when I was younger. I just didn't understand. I don't know why I was so mean and hateful. I guess because she was. I was mimicking. I didn't know any other way to be. How desperately I wish I could change the way she deteriorated, how I wish I could have softened her decline and eased her suffering and made the end of her life happier and longer. It's so complicated and torturous and unbearable to think about, and holidays amplify all of it to a deafening volume that I can't control. I was sobbing at work this morning, out of nowhere, it hit me like a sneaker wave from behind, five minutes before a customer was to arrive, and had to pull myself out of it and redo my eye makeup, it was awful.

I think the stress of the move to a place I hate and the stress of the holidays without parents and the stress of the surgery all at once is just too much for me. I need a break.

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Dec 14-15

My knee had started hurting as I returned home from Chigasaki, and since Seki canceled our Sunday plan, I just stayed in to heal up. Didn't even go outside. \o/ Bluesky and Raskura reading.

Today I did some food shopping, getting a decent supply of whole wheat and rye bread. Then back to Chigasaki to meet Seki again, and explore a new mall -- he says it opened last week! We ate at a Spaghetti Goemon that isn't even on Google Maps! Otherwise it's not that exciting a mall, but he appreciates having a new restaurant option near him. I appreciated the low CO2 of mall restaurants, especially at 16:00. I had spaghetti with pork shabu-shabu and "lots of vegetables"; it was good but I had to fight my own brain, which kept expecting Italian-ish flavors from a spaghetti dish. ( Read more... )

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Conbini groceries and Chigasaki beach

So I've privately called my downstairs store the world's shittiest Lawson's, but I owe it an apology. Today I checked out several other conbini, and mine is unique in being able to pass for a grocery store.

( Read more... )

On to today's explorations in Chigasaki: ( Read more... )

Yes, I just discovered I can embed Flickr images and Google Maps.

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Fujisawa groceries

"How can you feed yourself without a car?", some Americans and Canadians ask.

As mentioned before, a Lawson's conbini (convenience store) is directly downstairs, though that's admittedly unusual. Despite being rather small, it has milk, oranges and presumably other fruit, ham, raw pork, pasta, olive oil, udon, eggs, and frozen vegetables. This is just from popping in and out of it, without mentally cataloguing everything it does carry (thus the 'presumably'.) You could probably cook a balanced diet just from it alone, if you wanted.

[Edit: okay, so I checked several other conbini today, and mine is unique in passing for a small grocery store.]

( Read more... )

And you know? Most of all this area is detached single-family houses. Two-story, minimal yard, not that far from each other, but houses not sharing walls. Sample, sample, sample, sample, sample, even some two-story apartments/houses in the commercial zone

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Fujisawa Dec 10-12

Let's post something so I don't fall totally behind... last 3 days were mostly spent exploring the area on foot. 10th, I wandered down Rte 467, and over into Shinbayashi Park, which is properly large, and also has lot of steps in one place. Many more steps than I realized. And I didn't even get a good view at the top, just some TV/cell towers surrounded by shrubbery. And then I got to see if I could go down deep steps without injuring myself. Yes, but it felt fraught... apparent safety rope was often too far from the steps to hold! ( Read more... )

Current Mood: cheerful

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Post-Williamsburg: quick trip recap

Non-illustrated other than the Instagram post of ridiculous selfies, because I did not try very hard to take pictures on my own phone and have not yet purloined any from the group album.

To sum up: very fun! Would go again in winter, although I am not entirely sure that the level of fun around Grand Illumination specifically was worth the really outrageous price they charge to stay on-site for the Christmas season. (I would, however, vastly prefer to stay on-site because, like with Disney, the amount of running around and dealing with parking and the cost of tickets is a huge markup of inconvenience if you stay off-site. We didn't have to move the car from my CVS run for hairspray on Thursday night until we left on Monday morning.)
( Read more... )

And that's the Williamsburg report! I actually 100% unpacked and put everything away on Tuesday; be very impressed. Yesterday I did my hours of job hunting (ugh) and today I've been focusing on the sewing room. Cleaned up the rest of the Williamsburg sewing layer of crap (there are still multiple layers of crap underneath that, don't get excited), and vacuumed (ooh).

Goal for the rest of the holiday season is to split my sewing time between the 1790s portrait sewing and costumer's yard sale sewing prep. I have so many half-finished damn accessories in the UFO bins. Mostly caps...probably? Caps are a nice portable sewing project for volunteering at historic sites/ events. Which of course means I've developed a habit of cutting out and starting a cap, putting it somewhere stupid in between events, losing track of it, and then starting a new one for the next event. So, I should dig through the bins and see what's reasonable to finish and see if I can sell at the yard sale (only if I don't want to keep it, of course!).

Oh, and one more thing: after a weekend of wearing, I've decided I like the Augusta stays well enough to keep them. I definitely still don't love them, but I like them well enough to keep them instead of trying to find the motivation to fit another new pair of stays in the near future! Also, fit aside, they do look pretty nice! These are the first stays I've made in a while that I did take my time on, and it does show (how about that). I should probably finish binding them and make a blog post, but don't hold yer breath for that!

Current Mood: good
Current Music: Tyrannosaurus Rex - Unicorn (1969)

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The Friday Five for November 28, 2025

1. What were some of the smells and tastes of your childhood?
There was a very distinct smell at my Montessori nursery school. I associate it with the smell of that tacky putty stuff that you'd use to put posters up. It was bluish in color.

As far as tastes, ice cream cone cupcakes come to mind. I think of them as very 80s, and I'm pretty sure my mom made these for my second or third birthday party.

2. What did you have as a child that you do not think children today have?
Freedom from the influence of social media! I do not envy Gen Alpha. Shit's getting dark.

3. What elementary grade was your favorite?
It's hard to say, as I've always had a hard time in school... I can easily name the worst year I had in elemenrary school though – 5th grade (age 10-11)!

4. What Summer do you remember the best as a child?
The couple of Summers I spent at my dad's. I played a lot of PC games! My favorites were Lemmings games.

5. What one piece of advice would you give to your younger self, and at what age?
Deep question... The first thing that comes to mind is, "Accept yourself." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Current Mood: calm

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The Friday Five for December 5, 2025

1. If you had to participate in one Olympic event, what would it be and why?
Basketball, or anything involving throwing a ball.

2. What is the one song you always sing along to?
There's way more than one! But just today, I was singing along to "Alone in Hollywood on Acid." Check it out:

Watch on YouTube

3. Do you wear a seatbelt in the car?
Yes.

4. Car, SUV or truck and why?
Truck! BIG truck! Because large vehicles feel (are?) safer, and you can move things – good for thrifting furniture and stuff!

5. Are you a good/bad driver? Explain.
I'm what they call a "passenger princess."

mild recovery.

feeling a lot a lot better, today. so much of depression feels so mysterious to me and totally out of my control. i noticed before i started to feel better subjectively/experientially, that i was starting to be able to take my vitamins and brush my teeth again, this is always a good sign that it's starting to dissipate.

josh so desperately wants to know what causes these corrections, i wish i had an answer for him. i apologized for putting him through that, though he generously observes that it's worse for me than it is for him. it's just so hard not knowing if/when it will stop, when i get like that. for him. for me it feels permanent, my perspective gets so skewed. "this too shall pass" does repeat in my head but along with "and then it will return because this is the truth of who i really am and how i really feel." depression really does feel that way. it feels like the truest thing. even now when i'm not in it, i acknowledge this and don't disagree with this depressed-me assessment.

going to try to go to silks. there's so much i want to do on my days off, my head is swimming. i want to put nails up for stockings and clean the garage cabinet, set up my room more, do more decorating, VACUUM. BAKE.

but first i have orders to get out, and i might want to exchange a sweater as i found a better size in a different store last night, i can do that before silks if i get out the door soon enough. (goodwill thrifted sweaters, two sizes at two different stores of the same gold and beige knit turtleneck.)

need to bring snacks and drinks to silks. need to make a lil grocery list. maybe pick up a stool or two from target on the way home, for the kitchen. off i go. will catch up on journals later.

tyler got me a tree.

my arm where the "vascular team" guy mangled me failing to get a vein for the mri contrast is an eerie shade of green and purple.

i am so relieved that the mri came back clear.

it's nonstop raining but not too cold. we have flooding watches in effect through tomorrow. it's fine, it rains here, we're used to it.

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Masking in Japan, and Dec 09

So, you know that Japanese people mask more than Americans or Europeans. But how much more? Some numbers from today: ( Read more... )

So, 40-50% generically outside, and 50-75% on trains. On the "masks and exercise" front, I'd note that many bicyclists have been masked, too.

Further, almost but not entirely all of customer-facing employees have been masked. Train, bus drivers, retail shop employees, the few waiters I've seen. I'd say at least 80% conservatively, 90% likely, maybe not much higher (it takes few outliers to push a ratio away from extremes.) I think Seki said that waiters often aren't, but I dunno.

Now, is this the New Normal after covid? Not necessarily. Japan has been having a bad flu season, huge spike in cases, and a major strain (coming soon to a school or hospital near you) wasn't in the vaccine this year, so I think the government has been urging people to mask again. Also it's winter-ish and some people here may have noticed "masks are like a scarf but better."

( Read more... )