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puppetmaker ([personal profile] puppetmaker) wrote2025-08-16 08:15 am

Life goes on and on and on

 I know I have been rather quiet. There has been a lot going on but my want to write about it has been weak.

There have been some nice memorial services for Peter at various conventions. I was either there, or someone was kind enough to tape it. It is nice hearing all these stories about Peter and how people remember him. At the SDCC George Takei copped to the fact that the Jim Beam line in Oblivion was entirely of his doing. Something Peter has been saying for years only to get a “Yeah, sure Peter” in return.

The will is slowly moving forward. We can’t file it until we get a couple of signatures to complete the paperwork needed for the will. Meanwhile I am twiddling my thumbs waiting for other things to happen before I can pick up the trail and move my piece forward on the board of life.

I am, as I told my parents, two puppets behind. Those may get shelved as I move onto creating stock for our table at Dragon Con in the Pop Art section. A name came up that if I had known they were coming I would have gotten their puppet done. Also, this year I have a costume I must build for myself for my brother’s Addam’s family reunion. I have the pants and the shirt. I need a vest, swallow tailcoat, and boot covers.

I miss Joann’s so much right now. I can’t run out and get some fabric. I have found a quilting store near me that has cotton fabric. I know some Micheals have fabric counters. I hear that Walmart and Target have fabric in some of their stores. Right now, what I need is simple things like black lining and buttons. I do have one set I need but am scratching my head where I am going to get the rest. We are supposed to have buttons at our Michaels location. They haven’t come in yet. Apparently, Micheals bought Joann’s materials, and we are starting to get it into our store.

Today I think it is going to be vest and heads since I finally found my puppet eyeballs, I have been looking for over a month. I need to balance my costume and the stock I need to build for DragonCon.

We have a table in the Pop Art Alley. Caroline and her roommate are selling their art, and I will be selling puppets including just puppet bodies that can be turned into your own personal puppet. Then there are the puppet heads. Just heads. Come on by and say Hi. I’ll post the number when I know it.

I need to clean up from the previous project before starting the next one. That and cat boxes need to be cleaned as does their water bowls.

I am grateful for a peaceful mind.

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anais_pf ([personal profile] anais_pf) wrote in [community profile] thefridayfive2025-08-14 02:53 pm

The Friday Five for 15 August 2025

This week's questions were suggested by [livejournal.com profile] aforkintheroad

1. What is your favorite experience in your life so far?

2. What motivates you to keep going every day?

3. Where do you want to go in life? What do you want to accomplish?

4. Is there anything that you regret? Do you try to change it?

5. What is your most cherished gift you have received? Why do you cherish it so much?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-14 09:02 am

loosened talons.

The mountain was so beautiful. Tyler was so calm and kind and patient. Josh also, who encouraged this venture.

I am not depressed this morning and I am confused about it. Normally I am searching for ways to self-soothe in the morning just to function, but I am all right, at the moment, so I don't need to. It's so abnormal it's disorienting.

Maybe I can actually do some PT before work, today?
lirazel: The members of Lady Parts ([tv] we are lady parts)
lirazel ([personal profile] lirazel) wrote2025-08-13 08:29 am

what i'm reading wednesday 13/8/2025

A short post this week, since I was very, very busy this weekend.

What I finished:

+ Behind Frenemy Lines by Zen Cho, which I enjoyed despite the awful name. Whoever is naming the books in this series is doing them a disservice! I really like the cover art though, so kudos to the artist.

The books in this series (two so far, the other being The Friend Zone Experience) are ostensibly romances, but that's not really why I read them. The romances move too fast for my ace ass, just like 90% of romances, but this is a Me Problem. If you don't have the "you barely know each other!" or the "I haven't spent enough time with you to be fully invested in this relationship!" kinds of problems that I have with almost all romances, then I do not think the romance will seem rushed. It's a nice dynamic between two immigrant London lawyers (one from Malaysia, one from Hong Kong) who have a series of unfortunate encounters before ending up working together.

I really like both of the characters, but as I said, I'm not so much here for the romance as I am for the other stuff. In both of these books, the real appeal are a) the family backdrops and b) the moral quandaries. Zen Cho is fantastic at writing complicated family dynamics that feel so very real--suffocating in some cases, loving but fraught in others. Family, no matter how loving, is never easy in her books--it involves responsibilities, expectations, negotiations but it's no less precious for all that. I deeply appreciate this aspect of her writing because it feels very real and immediate, especially in a world that (at times) can encourage us to just break things off with any relationship that involves conflict.

She's also really good at placing her characters in situations where they have to make difficult choices and are torn by dueling loyalties or moral commitments. The choices these characters make matter in a way that's rare in the kind of frothy fiction that these books get shelved alongside. Obviously, I dig anything that involves people making difficult moral choices, so I eat this up.

Honestly, my only real complaint about the book is that I wanted to spend more time with the characters and their problems. I wanted to dig deeper into their family stuff, have them struggle with the moral choices for longer, etc. I personally felt like this book could have used more room to breathe. But if this sounds appealing to you, I recommend it!

Oh, another thing I dig about Zen Cho's contemporary books-- they give me a glimpse of Malaysia, a really interesting multi-ethnic society I know very little about. And Cho doesn't over-explain things--she'll throw words in there that she doesn't take the time to define, so you either figure them out from context or look them up if you really want to know what they mean. I like this a lot! It feels like I'm being treated as an adult and also it feels like she's pushing back against the exoticizing that can happen in books published in Anglophone countries. For the characters, these aspects of their life are normal and not to be commented upon, and the specter of the white reader doesn't intrude through too much handholding by the text. It's great!

What I'm currently reading:

+ I'll be finishing up The Dawn of Everything for the last week of book club. As always, this book makes me want to write a dozen different anthropologically-focused fantasy novels a la Le Guin.

+ I read the lovely forward to Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine and I'm looking forward to reading the book. Shockingly, I've never read anything of his besides Fahrenheit 451.
lirazel: the Carly Rae Jepsen album E*mo*tion ([music] take me to the feeling)
lirazel ([personal profile] lirazel) wrote2025-08-12 09:12 am
Entry tags:

three music-related things

+ My girl Lissie (who I've been following since her song "Everywhere I Go" was used on an episode of Dollhouse) just released a cover of "America" by my boys Simon and Garfunkel. The video is made of home videos from the 40s-70s and I love it so so much. The cover is good but the video really elevates it.





I am deeply moved by ordinary people living good lives, so I got teary-eyed.



Anyway, watching it made me think of how much I love Lissie's covers. She's actually known for her covers as much as all the songs she's written herself, and for good reason. She has SO many good covers and I like how she'll often go for something really unexpected and outside her genre (folk-rock singer-songwriter, basically).

Here's "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi:




"And Nothing Else Matters" by Nirvana:



"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga:



"Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac:




"2000 Miles" by the Pretenders:




"Wrecking Ball" which is apparently by Miley Cyrus:




+ I've been listening to a lot of The Strike lately and I've realized they've written my two favorite songs about being a struggling working band.

"Painkillers" is IMO the very best song ever written about being a wedding band. It may not have a lot of competition lol! But I just think it's so clever and moving (and has a great hook)--the singer is reminding themself of why they have to play the same songs over and over at every wedding--because they're painkillers for the people listening and give them a way to escape reality for a hours and go back to when they were young. The bridge is "tonight we're going to dance our pain away," which should give you some idea of the song.




The other one is, imo, an even stronger song. "Down" is just about the struggle to make it. The singer is asking themself, "Why are we still doing this? Why have we invested so many years into this even though we've never struck big?"

"Another night sleeping in the car
Wondering what we’re even looking for
Burning the gas that we can’t afford
To heal the broken hearts

"And they still call up the radio stations
And ask us how we’re not so frustrated
Because they saw us way back in 15
And I say I’m not sure where the time goes."

The answer is the magic of live music, tbh.



Anyway, I love both of these songs madly.

+ I Do Not Do video games, but apparently really great music is getting written for video games? Someone posted a clip of a symphony playing a beautiful piece of music, so I went to find it on YouTube, only to find that there's two hours worth of additional music, equally beautiful! Apparently Undertale is a video game that was created by one genius dude and he also wrote all the music for it??? Even though he had no background in music???

Anyway, I've been listening to this a lot and loving it:


serafaery: (Default)
serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-11 10:00 pm

seeking peace.

Just wanted to acknowledge, I know three beautiful women who are either terminally ill or receiving chemo for very aggressive forms of cancer. I have lost so many friends and family members, I think this sort of thing becomes triggering, after a while. I bought cards for all of them today, but I don't have their mailing addresses. I will figure out how to ask, maybe in a couple of days I will try.

I am so grateful for what I have. I wish I could find a way to be at peace with this life, as it is, in this moment.

Maybe the stars will help.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-11 06:52 pm

erosion bird costume, butterfly dreams

This lady is amazing and this cosplay is amazing.



...

I am enjoying the inspiration from her channel, and I went back for the fuzzy white fur. I may make a moth or a butterfly or something else; a little white cursed bird, who knows.

I'd really love to make some sort of soft plushy costume that would completely obscure my human form and be easy to interact with, like Totoro, but I am not sure what that would be, yet. I have imagined variations on dragons and birds, but still have come up with nothing, so far. Will keep contemplating this.

I might make my puppet one of our local native blue butterflies. Fender's Blue has a remarkable recovery story, thanks to the efforts of those who also fought for spotted owl recovery in Oregon.



Its host plant is a rare, beautiful purple lupine called Kindaids. I could base a fairy costume on that flower.





I just love its fuzzy lil blue body and those stripy antennae! Many of our local gossamer winged blue butterflies have these characteristics.
mandie_rw: me in late victorian dress holding book (natformbeige)
mandie_rw ([personal profile] mandie_rw) wrote2025-08-11 03:20 pm
Entry tags:

Mid-1880s Autumn Dress

I started this last summer/fall for a steam train ride event, ended up not being able to go, and thus abandoned it partway through. I'm resurrecting it now for the Laurel Hill Cemetery picnic we're going to do in mid-October this year. Laurel Hill is a wonderful site and would be perfect for a mourning ensemble of any era, which I did spend some time contemplating...but the voice of "how about you finish one of your half-finished dresses, idiot" won out, which is probably a good thing.

Also my Late Victorian Redthreaded corset is one of the only corsets that still fits me, so it would probably be smart to do something late Victorian...

I mean, a brown silk and velvet dress also feels very autumnal!

I'm basing it on this dress in KSU's collection, dated to the second half of the 1880s:
front view of an extant late 1880s dress in two shades of brown  side view of a late Victorian dress in two shades of brown

I'm not copying it directly, but I liked the silk and velvet combo, the shades of brown, and especially the cutout velvet overskirt (or apron, or whatever you want to call it). I had a roll of brown and cream mini-checked drapery silk and a brown cotton velveteen that work well together, so that's what I'm using for mine, with the checked silk as the main fabric and the velveteen for the contrast.

Last year I finished the underskirt with all the pleated flounces - they're not especially fun to make but I really like how they look! Made the top drapery/swags although still need to put the ties in the back panel to pull it up.

Also made the basic velveteen overskirt and (thankfully) worked out all the cutouts. I couldn't (and still can't) think of any better way to finish the cutouts neatly than by hand - turning the edges in towards each other and hand whipping them down. I've done similar edges with a regular machine-sewn-and-turned facing, and the lining always rolls to the outside, and I hate it. Binding might be an okay other option, but I didn't want a visible binding on this, so here we are!

Good thing I like hand sewing.

I didn't start the bodice at all last year, but with the weight I've gained over the last couple of years that's probably a good thing. I've fit the bodice before skirts enough times in my early sewing career that I've learned not to do that over things with multiple waistbands, lol. I have the TV 1884 French Vest bodice pattern, which should work well enough. 

But, skirts first! I got a good start on the cutout skirt hem at sewing day this past Saturday, and have left the travel sewing bag in the living room since, so I can grab that easily when I have some hand-sewing time, and don't have to go dig it out of the hot sewing room every time I want it. If I can finish the skirts this week (?) I maybe have an actual chance of finishing both this and the 1810s dress for the September event - more on that later.

serafaery: (Default)
serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-11 11:16 am

list of day-wishes/note to self, plus kittens

Natasha made me a slideshow of Avalanche's kitten photos, I love it so much.



Things I'd love to do today: things to do list )
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-09 09:02 am

soft sunlit weekend.

9am on a beautiful Saturday morning. So much sunshine!

Will try to get on my bike here in a bit and ride up to the farmers market, I don't need anything but the ride will be good for me regardless, I think we are low on a couple things.

Some friends are hosting a bbq so I will try to swing by for that, I randomly bought some hot dogs for it last night even though they didn't ask for such a thing - I don't know how to show up to anything empty handed.

Finally vacuumed out my car. Dodged all the bullets. That place where we used to go when I was a kid is the only one of its kind in the entire city, so weird! It was fine.

I just need to wipe down the inside before I put all my stuff back in the car. The windows desperately need a thorough cleaning. I'll do that after my farmers market run.

Need to box up one order, it's small it'll be fine.

My hands and fingers ache fiercely today, I don't know why. It hurts so much. They are more swollen than usual, but no redness.

I've been failing to take any of my supplements, I haven't been entirely consistent with collagen and I keep forgetting my fish oil. I think getting back on that stuff would help.

Tummy is unhappy.

I should probably try to take a shower before socializing, ha.

So much cleaning I want to do! Maybe tomorrow. I want to tackle the bathroom and the kitchen and just throw most of my stuff away that's been collecting since we moved here. It'll make it easier to move, when the time comes. I need to do the storage unit and garage, too, but that's much more daunting and requires a lot of emotional work since I have bins of my mom's old things in there. I have to give myself permission to ignore that and just keep storing it, if I have to.

I woke up really sad and anxious but my mood is improving. I forced myself to go to Cynthia's last night to catch up and bake pears that were delivered to her doorstep by a neighbor. We ended up making two vegan sugar free pies, they are delightful. We had fun. Hanne has an aggressive form of breast cancer, she has already cut her hair and started chemo. She just got her diagnosis like less than two weeks ago. So things are moving quickly. It sucks but she has really good support, her husband is retired and they have plenty of resources, and she has friends, it sounds like she has as much support as anyone could hope for. I am glad.

I want to send her a card, and also my friend Robin who is going through chemo for pancreatic cancer, and also Naomi. I will pull those out and decide who gets what or maybe buy more if I need to. Will swing by a shop that has nice cards and look for something for the three of them. Sigh.

I've been so incredibly lonely and depressed. I feel a million times better when I am with others, but I rarely can manage the effort to make myself go be social. I tell a lot of stories to myself about being unwanted. It's gotten a lot worse with perimenopause, struggling with disliking my appearance and my body being in a lot more pain than I'm used to (and I'm already used to a lot of pain).

K, coffee is cold, that's my cue to get on my bike and get some sunshine on my skin and these achy joints.

It will be hot tomorrow. I'm okay with that. But worried about the fires. It seems like we're the only western state area not engulfed in smoke at the moment. Our turn is coming.
serafaery: (Default)
serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-07 09:36 pm

not a good night.

had kind of a rough day, the moon is full, I am having no luck getting into the shower so I can go dance at the club. I can just go for an hour. I just want to pop in I think. No crazy outfit this week, no crazy dancing, just, be in the space I feel safest for a small while. I can do this. Why is it so hard to move.

I have devolved into a really painful and nonfunctional place psychologically and I'm not sure what to do about it.

In so much pain, and so scared about it. Worried for Josh, whose parents' health are failing in multiple ways simultaneously, and seeing how he can't handle it, and seeing how I am on the same trajectory. He won't be able to handle my decline, either. Neither will I. It's going to get so much worse, and I am so scared.

I think I am still too traumatized from the unbearably slow and unspeakably painful way my mother died to be able to ever feel safe or unafraid.

My brain has not worked at all today.

I keep doing crazy stuff like, grabbing the wrong key for the wrong door, I sat on the toilet before lifting the seat, the voice inside my head keeps calling Avalanche "Willow" (my cat who died in 2011, that Avi sometimes reminds me of, they are the same size and softness and they both trill, but they don't look alike, and Wil has been dead for 14 years, so it scares me when my brain does this).

I have been sleeping since 6pm, I think I just need to go back to bed. I can dance on Sunday instead, it's okay.

I feel very lucky that Brandie texted me about the moon. I am sad that our friendship fizzled, but I appreciate her moon texts, they have been consistent lately. I asked her to do this for me when Madoc died of cancer in 2020, as he was my moon texting friend back then and I missed his messages more than I could bear. You know those people that are just able to find where the two of you meet emotionally, and make space for you there.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-07 12:26 pm

ow.

might need to ease up on the cleaning videos. at first they were relaxing but now they're starting to cause me some stress. I am throwing things away more, and thinking about what to throw away. I like the idea of the "move out/move in" technique of taking everything out of a room, cleaning it, and then putting everything back. But I don't think I'm up for that. culling first might be a better use of my time, especially since we will likely move this fall or winter anyway.

Josh is worried about moving in winter and yeah it would suck but I don't mind wrecking the holidays, holidays suck anyway and it would be a good excuse to skip them. I do love xmas, but just the cookies, tree, music, and a handful of light-hearted things to unwrap. hot cocoa and snow. sweaters and oversleeping. not so much the gatherings and pressure to be festive. I don't feel emotionally safe around my (alcohol-dependent) family and Josh's family is Jewish, so.

...

I'm home because my customer stood me up this morning. She didn't even bother to text me until I texted her when she was 7 minutes late. And didn't even reply when I offered to reschedule, or indicate whether she was going to try to come late or just reschedule, she just didn't answer, after her initial reply that she was having a "weird reaction to a gluten tolerance test" whatever that means. I hope she's okay. It sounds like she's not feeling well and my brain doesn't work in that condition, either, but it's also just so disrespectful to leave me sitting there waiting and not knowing. I hate service work, times like this.

I got really bad cramps again when this happened, I think they are triggered by stress. So I drove home in extreme pain and ate some saltines and granola and now I'm just sitting here trying to relax and not make it worse. I was going to try to vacuum my car in the high-homicide area during my lunch break but now I just can't make myself. Maybe I can just take it to the car washing place and let them do it for me where I don't have to worry about being shot at because I don't look right. There have been *so many* homicides in Portland, lately. People keep telling me it's getting better but I think they are deluded. (This was where we took our car to vacuum it out ourselves when I was a kid, it was not unsafe back then. It's the only way I know how to do it.)

Need to go back to work in half an hour but grateful to be able to just chill for a bit. Not sure what to wear to Shadowplay tonight, I feel so bloated and gross. I'll figure something out. I think dancing later might make me feel better. If this pain would just dissipate.
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anais_pf ([personal profile] anais_pf) wrote in [community profile] thefridayfive2025-08-07 03:03 pm

The Friday Five for 8 August 2025

This week's questions were suggested by [livejournal.com profile] sparklesalad

1. What is one food (or meal) you used to hate but now love?

2. If you had to give up one of your favorite foods (or meals) for good, what would it be, and why?

3. Which food seems like it should be healthy and isn't, and do you eat it? Why?

4. If you were an item of food, personified, what would you be and why?

5. You've seen tomatoes and pies used for this purpose ... now think of a more inventive item of food one could throw at someone. What is it and why would throwing it at someone be hilarious?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!
lirazel: Anya from the animated film Anastasia in her fantasy ([film] dancing bears painted wings)
lirazel ([personal profile] lirazel) wrote2025-08-07 09:08 am

what i'm reading (not) wednesday 7/8/2025

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well, but I am here today with book thoughts!

What I finished:

+ Off the Edge: Flat Earthers, Conspiracy Culture, and Why People Will Believe Anything by Kelly Weill. I listened to the audiobook read by the author. Weill is a journalist who's been digging into Flat Earther culture for a long time. She writes about them with a balance of compassion and even genuine affection for people she knows in that world and rage that the lie of Flat Earth is growing.

If you've read many books about conspiracy theories, most of this is pretty familiar, but I did not know about the roots of modern Flat Eartherism--it has its roots in one jerk in a utopian community in England in the 19th century--who knew? Then it had a few followers for the subsequent decades, but honestly it did not really take off till the 2010s and most of the reason was...YouTube. I'm sure we all know the trajectory of radicalization by now, so I won't go into that. But it's pretty harrowing reading.

This was good but not great! A good thing to listen to while I worked and dragged boxes around and such. The first few chapters about the history of Flat Eartherism were the best part to me--the rest was well written but stuff I mostly already knew. Still, if you have no idea how conspiracy theories are currently taking over the world, this would be a good case study introduction.

+ Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett. I was enjoying this as I read it. I liked the premise, the characters, and the dynamic between the leads. There was some fun worldbuilding stuff here.

But two things did not work for me.

1. The prose. I am much more forgiving of mediocre third person than I am of mediocre first person. If you're going to do first person, I want it to be really good (many of my favorite books are first person!), and this was not. For one thing, the author doesn't seem to have much of a grasp on how an Edwardian woman would actually write. Sometimes she would write these overly florid lines that seemed dated even for an early 20th century setting, and then she'd do things like have one character ask another character if two people were "an item." I found this annoying!

There weren't quite enough footnotes to warrant the footnotes conceit, though I did enjoy the stuff we learned in them (frankly, I think I would have enjoyed a book about Danielle de Grey more than this one!). I guess I'm just spoiled by Jonathan Strange? If you're going to do footnotes DO FOOTNOTES.

However, I could have forgiven this (not everyone can be Susanna Clarke!) if it weren't for....

2. The ending. Spoilers incoming, obviously.
So the book had made a very big deal about the pattern of faeries being learnable through the medium of folk stories. This is great! One of my favorite things about the book! So when we got to the end, where Emily was trapped by a faerie king in a faerie kingdom, and her human friends and her love interest were plotting to free her, and the plot was straightforward but violent, and Emily started going, "This isn't the way to do it! This isn't the way they do it in stories!" I was 10000% with her. I thought sure were were going to get her using what she knew from stories to free herself. The rule of three! A loophole no one else could see! You know, THE STUFF THE BOOK WAS ABOUT.

But no. Her boyfriend just grabbed her hand and they...ran out?
It was such a letdown that it soured my up-to-that-point mostly positive feelings about the book. This was one of those cases where the gun was introduced in the first act and then it did not go off in the last act. Instead, the characters mentioned, "Oh, remember that gun?" and then...nothing happened with the gun!!!

So anyway, I can see why everyone loves the book so much, but I was disappointed by it. I might still try the second book and see if it fixes the problem, but we'll have to see.

+ The Great Trek of the Russian Mennonites to Central Asia, 1880-1884 by Fred Richard Belk. I picked this up as background reading for The White Mosque, and I am here to tell you: you don't need to do the same. This extremely dry and straightforward account does what it says on the tin. I believe it was originally the author's dissertation, and it shows. I am sure that when this work was published, it was a big deal in the field of Mennonite Studies--bringing together accounts of all the various strands of immigration of Mennonites in Russia to various places in Central Asia--but it's definitely not for popular readers.

The history he writes about deserves a retelling as interesting as the original events. To make a long story very, very short, the Mennonites started out in Switzerland and the Low Countries, then moved to Prussia, then moved to Russia, then moved either to the Americas or to Central Asia. Each time they had to move because as Anabaptists they were extreme pacifists who refused to serve in the militaries of a given country. They would go to a certain place and at first the leaders of that place would be like, "It's fine if y'all just want to chill off by yourselves and farm and not have anything to do with the government so long as you pay your taxes," and then, inevitably, either months or years or decades later, someone else would come into power and be like, "No, you must serve in the military or the forest service or something," and then Mennonites would be like, "Well. Guess we've got to move."

So the groups that went to Central Asia went there because a) the Russian empire was trying to make them do either military or national service of some kind and b) there was a charismatic leader who said that Jesus was about to return and he would be coming to the East.

So they packed up their covered wagons and road across steppe and desert and a bunch of them died and the places they were headed to seemed not to be the Edens they hoped they would be--you can guess how the rest of this song goes. Some of the communities ended up staying there for only a few months or years before leaving again (mostly to the US), a few stayed for about fifty years before leaving, and a handful might still be there! It's unclear--this book was published during the Cold War, so communication beyond the Iron Curtain wasn't great. At any rate, there were varying kinds of successes and failures.

This is super interesting stuff! I want to know everything about how their neighbors saw them and how they saw their neighbors! Tell me everything about culture clash! Tell me more about why the millenarian preacher appealed to them!

But alas, this is just an overview of who went where and who did what. There were a few moments--mere sentences, really--of something like personality that emerged in various tales (a mentally ill man saving his friends from brigands, a conversation between a little Mennonite girl and a Chinese girl whose feet are bound, these contraptions they rigged up to carry their kids balanced on either side of a camel, etc.) but there were never enough details to be compelling.

Now, I am judging this thing by unfair standards--this was not written for a popular audience, he wasn't intending to write a rip-roaring account of this era in Mennonite life. But I was still disappointed, and now I'm looking forward to The White Mosque even more than I already was!


What I'm currently reading:

+ 3/4 done with the book club reread of The Dawn of Everything.

+ A chapter into Shamanism: The Timeless Religion by Manvir Singh and liking it so far.

(Btw, between rereading The Dawn of EVerything, reading Proto a couple of weeks ago, always having Ursula K. Le Guin on my mind, and now reading Singh...I am wistfully imagining what my life would have been like if I had become an anthropologist and studied either extinct cultures or current ones with indoor plumbing. I am not cut out for the kind of field research that most anthropologists do.)
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-06 08:41 pm

stick a fork in it.

had an okay rest of the day. made josh some pizza. got henna on my hair and finally took a shower. walked back to the mechanic to pick up my car which now has new brakes and rotors. A little stressed about the potentially leaking newly replaced battery but I will check in a few times over the next couple weeks and call the battery place I got it from if it looks suspect to me. sigh.

was misty rainy cloudy all day, was really nice actually. was almost cool enough to bake cookies, but I refrained. this time. It will be 100 degrees again next week, so, enjoying this while i can.

failed to do any website work or fold my laundry or cull anything, but I'm also in a lot of pain and happy with what I did accomplish. ate reasonably well. got some cat food after I got my car back.

They washed my car! Bless them. This is literally the 4th time it has been washed in the 8 years that I've owned it.

The inside still needs cleaned, I might take it to the coin-op vacuum place and do that tomorrow while it is still empty. Then I can wipe it down and replace whatever I feel like should be in there. There are certain things I like to always keep in my car: spare scissors and gloves and pens, charging cords, hair ties, umbrella, deodorant, a clean jar for drinks or coffee (I have a pet peeve about disposable coffee cups), water, pillow and wool blanket (for emergency strandedness - this has never happened to me and I hope it never will), packaged snacks, napkins, ice scraper, a little bag for wrappers and such, hand sanitizer. Usually I have a spare hoodie floating around in the back.

I need to re-do my earthquake emergency bin but I should clean out the storage closet before I do that.

I think I might go to bed early again. Back and feet are hurting after 4 miles of urban walking, today.

But hey, my hair is dyed, my car can stop safely, and Josh and Avalanche are fed. All is relatively well.

I started taking collagen consistently after a second doctor insisted I do so, and for the first time, I can see a visible difference, in my fingernails. I am hopeful it might help my joints and other physical areas, too (skin and hair, etc). I am so grateful that Cynthia gave me some in pill form, for the days when I'm not able to do my 2nd morning hot drink to consume the powder form. I found the Vital Proteins Marine Collagen powder at Natural Grocers for a full $12 less than the cost at the other grocery store - it is still $2 more than the fullscript price but comes out to be less overall since I'm not paying for shipping. Grateful. I would take gelatin instead but I can't find the Knott's gelatin anywhere? Except in little individual 5g packets, which doesn't work if I need to take 30g a day.

At least during this phase of perimenopause, it has become clear that I cannot do anything meaningful or serious or important after 8pm. I'm not up for folding laundry, so. Might as well just sleep.

I think the cleaning videos are overwhelming me a little bit, because they sort of are forcing me to remove my blinders around my own clutter piles. or DOOM piles as they are affectionately called in the ADHD community. ("Didn't Organize Only Moved.") My entire apartment is pretty much a collection of DOOM piles, oops. I do not think I have ADHD. I think I have Attention Deficit, but due to screen usage, not as an actual neural type. It's not a disorder, it's an appropriate and expected symptom of staring at screens too much.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-06 01:34 pm

days like this.

have not had a shower since Saturday.

in so much pain, today, physically and emotionally.

It's devastating on a different level to go from an elite athlete to crippled within a couple of months. I am still adjusting. No one knows, no one sees, this is an entirely invisible struggle. Josh doesn't get the level of distress I am in. He can still do all the things. He can't imagine not being able to. I try to help him have awareness around it, but I also don't want to be a bummer all of the time. He forgets. Maybe it's better that he does.

It's just a really lonely feeling.

I can still walk, I can bike, I can dance a little, I can hike, so from the outside, it doesn't look too bad.

But I can do none of these things without constant pain.

Anyone would be depressed. But I've had major depressive order for decades. And I'm in perimenopause which also triggers depression.

It's just too much, days like this.

I am less angry at the auto shop. It is what it is. If my brand new battery is leaking, so be it. It was only $150, it won't destroy me to get a new one I suppose. I am skipping the oil change because that is absolutely inaccurate, I actually checked my readings on my way to the shop and it clearly indicates that I'm not anywhere close to due for one, so that's annoying, I don't know if they're making up numbers or just found an old sticker or what. I will not go back. But I'm not angry.

I just wish I could make myself eat and take a shower. Maybe take some vitamins. I forgot my hormones this morning, oops.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-06 09:46 am

soft summer rain.

Took my car in to get the brakes fixed, walked home from the shop. It's in an unpleasant area so the walk is mostly unpleasant, but the weather is so lovely. It's this soft grey summer light rain overcast morning, there was not enough rain to use my umbrella. I couldn't pass up walking in that.

But my ankle and back were twinging a mile in. (It was maybe a two mile walk.) So I will skip silks again, today. I have Friday off so I can go then hopefully. The Friday open gym host plays generic lo-fi music which is unbearable to try to work out to, everything in that "music" screams "plz sit idle and mindlessly scroll the internet and do nothing else," to me, but I will try to push through and just ignore it. I can bring my earbuds maybe.

I am so sad. My body hurts, my heart hearts, my tummy hurts, I had to just pause and sit with my face in my hands for a minute. I cried on the way home. Walking past the mall that I grew up in and seeing what pandemic did to it can be emotionally crushing. I can't wait to move away from this area.

But so grateful for the soft summer rain.

So far we have been spared wildfire smoke. I know it's coming, so I am just so thankful for every day that goes by that I'm not inhaling smoke.

...

I cleaned out my car entirely before taking it to the shop. I am totally wiped out from doing that. I pulled out enough blankets and sheets and clothing to do four loads of laundry. (Stuff leftover from camping and hiking.) I might try to work through that pile, today.

I also want to do more culling, it is just so difficult and slow-going. I'd like to tackle the bathroom. It seems like there are always more important things to do, but it would feel really good to have one room entirely cleaned out.

I have so many more to tackle, I can't think about it or I get paralyzed with anxiety and overwhelm.

..

I would also love to work on my website, we'll see if I can motivate at all toward that, today.

...

While walking through the neighborhood where we do Thriller flashmob practices every year, I thought really hard about whether I want to do that again. I've been teaching for 12 years at this point, and I just don't want to anymore. I am in so much physical pain, I probably have no business dancing on concrete at all. But also, practicing at the park is awful. Most of my classes only had 3-5 people in them, so we were not enough of a presence to deter aggressive basket ball players from shooting baskets near us (the basketball courts are where we perform every year, so we have been using this as practice space), and I got hit with a ball last year. I don't want to risk a hit that results in injury, for me or for anyone else trying to learn. I hate the sound of the balls too, it hurts my ears, I have tinnitus now and that will make it worse.

We do all of this for free, we have no budget, there is nowhere I wouldn't be embarrassed asking to use space to practice in, since Michael Jackson is such an unsavory character in general. It isn't a celebration of Michael, it's just a troupe of zombies and an appreciation for the song itself and the dance, but many people would view that as condoning child abuse or whatever. I am a child sex abuse victim myself so I just don't feel comfortable even asking.

So, I need to talk to our fearless organizer about this. I am the last of the instructors left, so if I go, the entire thing will most likely fall apart. I feel bad but I can't hold it up by myself, and I don't want to.

Need to refresh my Wednesday dance, in the meantime.

...

erg, the mechanic tried to upsell me an oil change and a new battery. I just replaced my battery in January and my oil change also just happened. I think I will go find another mechanic after this. This is a place Josh found, and I've used them because I can walk home from their shop. I think because my car is filthy, they think I neglect my maintenance. I do not. It's filthy because I take her to the mountains, and don't have access to a hose or shop vac.

uuugghhhhh okay need to get over this anger-induced cortisol burst and get something done. :( might need some breakfast. my cramps are super painful right now and I don't want to eat, but I probably should.
flaviomatani: (flavcameralines)
flaviomatani ([personal profile] flaviomatani) wrote2025-08-06 01:13 pm

Photo memories

Trying to convert old iPhoto libraries from twenty years ago to a format I can more easily use these days. 50 GB, so taking days to do this! Also as the photos keep popping up I run into friends who are no longer with us, some who seem to have disappeared or decided we are no longer friends, couples who are now mortal enemies of each other... and also friends who still are friends and memories of good times past, so there is that. It all feels quite strange, looking at these snippets of past lives.
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in_omnia ([personal profile] in_omnia) wrote2025-08-05 08:08 pm

a turn of the screw

I got to meet our new library director today. Not to put too fine a point on it, but she is The Worst. Defensive, incurious, unempathetic, without a shred of self-awareness, humility, or creativity.

In a meet and greet she, herself, initiated, she shot down every question with a dismissive, "I don't know the answer to that and, to be honest, that's not my job," chided my boss when she attempted to break the tension with further discussion of a topic, expected my boss' boss to jump in with his own answers, and when I attempted to clarify the library's plan for employees in light of our state's new law about obscene materials, she lectured me on how to soothe my anxiety and tutted in disappointment that I didn't know all about the city's legal assessment of that law, something that hasn't even been announced yet.

We have had some pretty bad directors and interim directors over the decade and a half that I've worked for the library, but none of them coincided with the kind of political climate we're dealing with now. It's bad enough to feel your director poisoning the culture of your workplace with their self-involved tyranny, but when the entire state and federal government are also leaning into self-involved tyranny, can a library, as either idea or institution, even survive?

I'm trying not to get caught up in anticipating futures that cannot be predicted, but I have to admit, that's a lot harder when I can't stop thinking about how much I dislike this terrible director, and how infuriating it is that we employees can't just fire her, already.
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serafaery ([personal profile] serafaery) wrote2025-08-04 10:02 am

little doves public version (minus the personal stuff in previous entry)

I was today years old when I discovered that the word for popcorn in Spanish means "little doves" and I will be forever calling it that, and imagining little delicate papery doves taking off in bursts and flurries out of the popcorn maker :)

Popcorn is one of my favorite foods. I was raised on it. For a time I was eating it almost daily, and had to limit myself to one day a week, as I generally devour a bowl twice the size of my own head in one sitting.

Sundays are popcorn day. Or, "little doves" day :D

Popcorn is "popcorn" in French. Listening to Josh work on the pronunciation of this was adorable.

...

It's August, and normally I am elated but it's been such a stressful three days that I am just... embracing the fact that there are already Halloween decorations in the stores and dreaming of pumpkin spice. Not like me, but that's where I am, today. I sat down with my giant bowl of little doves, topped with fresh chopped rosemary and nutritional yeast, and re-watched Edward Scissorhands in its entirety.

I have avoided doing so for many years for the heartbreaking sadness and over the top silliness of the film, but tonight, those aspects were maybe my favorite. I just needed something not serious and profoundly sad. Like life. I loved Dianne Wiest so much, I relate to her more than to Kim, at this point (I was fifteen when that movie came out!), I feel like an Avon Lady at times, she was 42 at the time but that meant something different in 1990, and I'd forgotten how fun it was to watch Edward do topiary and dog grooming and hair styling.

I glanced at Johnny Depp's bio and my goodness, to come from a blue collar broken family that moved all the time, to drop out of high school and have the principal literally tell him not to come back, at age 16, to pursue his dreams of being a musician, and to create such a beautiful catalog of work from such a rocky start is so impressive. Some people are just able to do ten times what I could ever accomplish in a lifetime, even if they don't get dealt the best hand to start with. That said, his step dad was Robert Palmer, which inspired him to pursue music, which is how he got into acting, so I guess he had that going for him, ha.